how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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