I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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