Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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