I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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