if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
