So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just invented taco cereal.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
