I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
