Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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