he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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