I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
