you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
