She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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