even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
