Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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