He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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