using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
