I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
