Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
bring money and cleavage
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
