Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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