Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
