I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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