Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
be right there i have to get my cape
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
