I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
