as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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