btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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