My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
