YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
