Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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