I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
