I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
