There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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