lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
