Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
dude. I can hear the air.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
