She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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