I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
