his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
