My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
