addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
