her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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