Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
