Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
