This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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