doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
