When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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