Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She announced her abortion via fbk
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
