im having a threesome with these popsicles
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
