Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
