There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
