I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
