Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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