I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
